Hello, my name is Rick. I am a faithful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with the sinful natures of meth addiction, lying, cheating, stealing, lust, and much more. I am a recovering drug addict who has been addicted to shooting meth for the past thirteen years of my life. My usage started as a casual thing; weekends, parties, and things of that nature. I was sixteen years old and thought I had nothing to lose. What a shame...if I had only known where it would lead me.

My casual use of meth quickly became an everyday thing. It seemed like I got so much more done when I was on the drug. When I was on meth, I felt so much better and full of energy. I was able to go to work for fourteen hours a day and still come home and party with my friend and not be tired. After about a year of using daily, I realized it was taking quite a toll on me financially. It seemed like the majority of my money was being spent on meth. At the time, I was still living at home and didn't have many bills to start with, but I was starting to get behind. Not long after I began to see this was costing me way too much money, I started looking for cheaper ways to get high. That was when I met a couple of guys that knew how to manufacture the drug that was costing me so much. To my surprise it was cheap and simple to make. So I decided to make friends with those guys, thus cutting the cost I was paying for the drug.

One thing that I quickly realized was that when you are making your drug, you can do a lot more of it. At this point, I was injecting large quantities of meth several times a day. I would go weeks at a time without sleep. The drug brought on a terrible paranoia with heavy usage. I would suffer from hallucinations from the sleep deprivation. People would refer to this as being totally "tweeked". Along with being deprived of sleep, I would hardly eat or drink anything at all during my usage. The only time I would stop using is when my body couldn't take anymore and would just shut down. After sleeping a couple of days and eating a few good meals, I would inject more meth into my veins. This became the cycle that was my life.

Just like most addicts, my meth usage began to interfere with my job. If I showed up to work at all, I would be late. This behavior led me to being fired from several jobs. My job history quickly became one of working until I got my first paycheck and then not going to work again until I was out of money. When it got to where I couldn't find a job, I started stealing stuff and selling it to pay for my habit. This went on for several years until I was arrested for a class c felony; theft & burglary. I was locked up for several months which gave me time to realize I was going down the wrong road.

When I was released, I moved away to go to work for my grandpa's drilling company. I did good for a while, until I met one of his rig hands that used meth. Shortly after we met, I started using again. Now this time, I managed to keep my job and show up the majority of the time. I eventually had two children, both boys. I was around for the first year of my oldest son's life and then I fell deep into my addiction again. I remember times when I would be playing with him and a buddy would call that had some dope. I would wait for my son to go across the room and I would shoot out the front door, always hearing him crying for me to stay. I chose meth over my son several times.

Now at this point, I had heard about God, but didn't want anything to do with Him. I was living in sin and the bible says the wager for sin is death. I was sure that I was going to burn in hell for all of the rotten things I'd been doing in my life. I had a selfish attitude. All that mattered to me was me and my drugs. I didn't care whose feelings I hurt or who I walked on to get what I wanted.

I finally hit my bottom around July of 2008. I didn't have a job, I didn't have a home. The mother of my children was not allowing me to see them because once I got so strung out on meth, I was very mentally unstable. I was also facing some prison time due to a burglary I had committed. When the detectives came to question me, I took them on a high speed chase with speeds in excess of 150 MPH on a stolen motorcycle. I had no regard for my own life or the lives of others.

Feeling like I had nothing to live for, I got in my truck and drove out to a secluded place in the country. I placed a garden hose in the exhaust pipe of my truck with a towel around it. I then ran the hose through the window with another towel to seal it off, placing the end right between the seats. I ate 3 bar Xanax and smoked a joint. Sometime after that, I fell asleep or passed out, I guess. I had pulled up to that spot in the country around 1:30am. I left my truck running, hoping to kill myself with the exhaust fumes. I was hurting so bad inside and hated who I had become so much that I was going to kill myself. Five hours after I had placed the hose in my truck and said, "I give up", I woke up to my truck shaking, spitting, and sputtering as it was running out of gas and then died. I'll never forget waking up dizzy, with the worst headache I had ever had. Everything looked foggy. I managed to get my door open and roll out onto the ground.

I'll never forget that first breath of fresh air. After laying there for a while, I finally started to get my bearing back and the reality of what I had tried to do hit me like a Mack Truck. My eyes filled with tears and I started to cry uncontrollably, cursing God for how my life had turned out. Once I finally regained control of myself, I put a couple of gallons of gas in the tank I had in the back of my truck for the lawn mower, and headed to my mom's house. I sat in the loft at her house and smoked pot for three days straight until I went to court and got sentenced to treatment.

As I was sitting in the county jail, waiting to come to OCC, my older sister came to see me. She told me that she had been praying for me. She told me that I needed to accept Jesus into my life and ask Him to forgive me of my sins. She also promised me that He could take the pain away and help me to rebuild my life. All I had to do was let Him. She brought me a bible right before I left for prison. It wasn't your traditional bible, it said Celebrate Recovery Bible on the front of it. She told me that it was real neat because all of the recovery themes were based off of scriptures from the bible. As I began to read the bible and the 8 principles that went with the 12 steps, it all started to make sense to me.

One lonely night, I was sitting in the hole in diagnostics and I decided I couldn't do it my way anymore because it was not working. I got down on my knees and closed my eyes and began begging God to forgive me for all of the horrible things I'd done and asked Him to come into my heart. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my chest and I could breathe easier. I continued to read my bible and as promised, God was faithful to begin His work in my life. On my third day at OCC, a guy named Joe came in and told us all about a program named Celebrate Recovery. The guy was so excited about this program. I mean, he just wouldn't shut up. I let him talk me into going on that Friday night because I wanted to see just what this guy was so excited about. That night I found out.

There was this really cool praise and worship music with drums, electric guitar, and a good beat, not like the traditional hymns and piano. You could feel this mood in the place which I would later come to know as the Holy Spirit. During the service, Joe pulled all of us new guys aside and explained all about the program, small groups, etc. I knew right then it was for me. I told him to count me in. As I look over this format for my testimony, it asks how my relationship with Christ influenced my recovery. Brothers, I'm here to tell you my relationship with Jesus Christ IS my recovery. If not for His love, mercy, and grace, I would probably be laying somewhere dead with a needle in my arm. I give all of the credit and glory to Christ. It is He who saved my life.

NOW what the program has done for me is this: it has allowed me to work through the 12 steps not only with Christ, but with the support of fellow believers who support an effort of teaching a common goal of sobriety and a closer relationship with Jesus Christ. I choose the word closer because no matter how close you are to God, He desires you to grow closer to Him. His word promises that if you draw nearer to Him, He will draw nearer to us. I consider myself a baby Christian. So the program offered me other Christians who could help feed me spiritually. When asked if a single step touched my heart, I would have to say yes. That step was asking Jesus to come into my life. Since I've given my life to Christ, He has blessed me in so many areas. He has restored my marriage and my relationship with my parents and children while building new relationships with fellow believers.

God has taken away my desire to use drugs and alcohol and presented me with a clear picture of just how good He wants my life to be if I just chose to let Him. I no longer lie to people, including myself. I'm not the selfish person I was in my addiction anymore. My walk with God continues to get better each day and Satan continues to try to hinder that in any way that he can. But God is faithful. He promises me in 1 Corinthians 10:12, that no temptations have seized me except what is common to men. AND GOD IS FAITHFUL he will not let me be tempted beyond what I can bear. Along with every temptation, he will also provide me a way out. Thank you, Jesus. I have benefitted from Celebrate Recovery in numerous ways. I have a better understanding of myself and of God's will for my life. I am able to express my feelings in a healthy way. I care about other people as much as I do for myself, if not more. Most importantly, I seek God's will in my life and not my own.

Some of the verses I stand on are the following;

• John 3:16: For God so loved the world that He gave is only begotten son that who so ever believes in Him will not perish but have ever lasting life.
• Romans 8:31: If God is for us, who can be against us/
• Romans 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him
• Romans 8:38: For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
• Romans 10:9: That if you confess with your mouth, Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead you will be saved.
• Romans 12:12: Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing, and perfect will.

I leave you with this...if you're feeling lonely and lost, like there is no hope for you, let me tell you there is. If my God can take a junkie, liar, selfish thief, rotten father, husband, and son, a high school dropout and all around failure in life and bring him to where I am today, he can do it for you. I've still got a long way to go, but with God in the driver’s seat I know I'll get there safe. So can you. Just let Him drive.

Thank You, Rick